Not all etiquette issues are so cut and dry as saying please or thank you and holding doors open for others. Sometimes, being mannerly means you have to deal with the uncomfortable sides of nature that don’t exactly put you in the nicest of spots. I’m talking about having to excuse yourself when “nature calls” and you’re afraid that time is not on your side. I’ll go into detail with my tips, but needless to say, we’ve all been down that road.
So, before you even try to test your internal clock and try to wait out a conversation before your stomach drops, check out my top three quick and dirty for how to properly excuse yourself:
Tip #1: Go Mobile
From the minute he wakes up, to the moment his head hits the pillow, real-estate agent Geoff is always on his phone. As a workaholic, making sure that his customers know he’s there for them whenever they need him is his secret to success. However, last month Geoff was battling a stomach bug when one of his clients called saying there was an emergency and they had to review a contract issue. As always, Geoff put his body second and his client first. Despite feeling as if he was on death’s bed, he got dressed, sprayed way too much cologne all over, and headed out to a restaurant (to make things worse!) to meet his client and calm their nerves. About five minutes into the meeting—where Geoff slowly nursed a cup of tea—his stomach reminded him about the bad sushi from the night before. Yet Geoff felt very uncomfortable (as we all would) having to excuse himself to use the restroom, since he knew it would be a rather loooooong session. So, just as Mother Nature not only knocked on his door, but kicked it open, he urgently shouted, “I’ll be right back, gotta go!” However, it came out more like a blur of syllables like, “I’llberightback,gottago!”
I don’t fault Geoff in any way; he is a hard worker and is dedicated to his clients. However, had Geoff simply used his phone as his “get-away vehicle,” things would have gone much smoother. When you have a meeting and you know your stomach isn’t on your side, and you don’t want to admit to it, always use your phone to get you out of a jam. A simple, “I have to take this call!” will save you a world of hurt. Knowing this, it’s proper to state that upfront. It’s okay that Geoff didn’t want to tell his client he was in the bathroom all night (you never want to do that), but had he said from the get go, “I’m waiting on a call from a family member, so I may have to bounce out for a couple minutes,” he’s showing respect for his client’s time and saving himself some embarrassment. This way when he feels the urge to go, he can use the phone as a clutch. No one can argue that. After all, he’s a workaholic! But he made it known ahead of time and made sure they knew where his focus was. He can pretend to get a call, kindly excuse himself, and then take care of business… before getting back to business. By properly stating your departure upfront, it gives you room to be flexible.
Tip #2: Embrace The Crowd
In an article I wrote called, “Proper Networking Etiquette,” I talked about the dos and don’ts of pulling off a successful networking event. See, anyone can attend a networking event, but it’s another thing to actually use the networking event to launch yourself up the corporate ladder. With that, when you go to a networking event, it’s always best to work the room and make most of your time. Not only does playing the role of the wallflower get you nowhere in business, but when you are moving around, you can use that towards your advantage when you need some, ahem, personal time. After all, going to a networking event can be a great way to make contacts, form new ventures and meet like minded people… then again, it can also be a fast way to never do business again. So the last thing you want to do is be deep into a conversation with someone and have to head for the hills when your stomach decides to play tricks on you. But have no fear, there is a proper way to make things work, and being a Grade A Shmoozer can come in handy.
Similar to what I mentioned in Tip #1, when you can state a “possible exit” upfront, it’s a hard statement to debate. I mean, a rude person would just say, “Hey, it’s been nice but I’m someone more important is over there,” and then leave. However, a mannerly person never leaves their conversation to bounce to someone else… unless they state it ahead of time. And whether it’s to talk to someone else or to go to the bathroom, presenting your plan ahead of time can save you the trouble searching for a way out. Take Bethany who after a bad flight from Austin to Chicago was nursing a sick stomach but couldn’t bail on her company’s massive networking event. So, she did two proper things for her event. One, she was a social butterfly—a key to a successful networking event, buzzing around the room with grace, and saying hi to everyone. Secondly, while doing that, she kept stating, “So nice to see you! I’m going to apologize in advance but if I have to skip out, I’ll be right back. My boss has asked me to make sure I say hi to everyone!” Here she had an excuse to bail and used that card throughout. Now granted not every event you’ll be able to use your boss as an excuse but you can always craft one ahead of time. Something like, “So nice to see you! Hey, if I have to scoot for a second, I’ll come right back. I promised NAME I’d introduce them to OTHER NAME and have to take care of that.” This shows the person you’re talking to that you will have to bolt on the fly but really it’s your bowels that’s about to take flight. Sure you’re lying but it beats the alternative, right? I mean, it’s mannerly to excuse yourself with grace than having to do the walk of a pain swiftly towards the restroom.
Tip #3: The Honest Approach
In Tips #1 and #2, I openly embraced lying to get by. Yes, I’m a manners expert and yes, I’m promoting being untruthful. Again, I’m the Modern Manners Guy, and I’ve been very successful in my career by using my unique gift of working on the fly to save me from embarrassing situations. And if you’ve ever read my book, Reply All…And Other Ways to Tank Your Career, you know when it comes to uncomfortable situations my cup runs over, my friends. So, even though I openly advocate lying when the alternative is honesty sprinkled with humiliation, sometimes admitting that you’ve spent more time on the toilet in the past day, than you have in the past week can actually be an okay thing. Oh, for the record, I was being facetious with my last comment. Never, ever go into detail about how sick you are. Never, ever, ever! It’s one thing to tell someone you’re sick, but another to go into such detail that forever, that’s all they will think about when they talk to you.
A great example of someone taking honesty to the next level was when during a coffee meeting with a colleague last week, they told me, “Ugh, I can’t shake hands, I’ve been puking my brains out since Sunday.” OK, thanks for that image. Not only did this guy leap over the TMI line but he wouldn’t let it go! He kept harping on it. I mean, I almost threw up, listening to him tell me about his non-stop throwing up. I’ll spare you the pain I endured but let’s just say I felt like a police sketch artist hearing descriptions of a criminal with his keen sense of detail. So, rather than being the King or Queen of Nauseaville, and you do go the honest route never make it a focus of the conversation. Instead, be upfront and properly excuse yourself. When you feel the urge to go, excuse yourself, do your business and come back. When the person, asks if you’re okay (since you may be gone slightly longer than normal) don’t make it an issue. Play if off. This is key. Say something like, “Yeah, I’m fine. All good. So, where were we? Oh, you were telling me about…” And go from there. Here they won’t pry because you squashed the issue. They may wonder but you are playing it off and not making it a topic of conversation. If you don’t make it an issue, they won’t and can’t. Let them worry about it on their own if they truly have to, while you on the other hand play it cool and keep it together.
As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.com. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.
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