Google defines a companion as someone with whom one spends a lot of time or with whom one travels. So, when picking a companion to skip out for a weekend getaway, it’s ideal that said acquaintance shares your motives and agenda. Now, whether that companion is a romantic partner, a close friend, or a family member, you have to be very particular about who you take with you to ensure you have the best time possible.
After all, the summer doesn’t last forever. So before you book that trip with that lucky someone, check out my top three quick and dirty tips for avoiding these three terrible kinds of travel companions:
Tip #1: The Person Who Is Always Late
I’ve said this a million times in my Modern Manners Guy tenure, but one of the single biggest examples of an unmannerly person is when they are constantly late. Late once or twice, I’ll accept that things come up. But always being late? That’s on purpose is insanely rude. After all, there is not one person on the planet who can claim “just bad luck” when it comes to being chronically late, and as much as vacation should be a time when you’re not operating on any particular schedule, that does not mean late people get a free pass. I mean, think about it: if you have a friend who is always late in your social and/or professional life, what makes you think they’ll all of a sudden be punctual when it comes to a vacation? If anything, a vacation is a tardy person’s right to be completely inconsiderate of others’ time because vacations are meant not to be driven by a daily calendar. However, I don’t believe a late person should be allowed any wiggle room on their bad habits even on a little rest and relaxation.
Take Stacey and Jennifer, who are best friends in and out of the office. Stacey wrote me about a girls’ weekend away to South Beach, which took a sharp detour into the Atlantic. Now, Stacy was well aware of Jennifer’s inability to be on time for anything. Happy hours? Late. Holiday parties? Late. Even going to lunch, when they agree on leaving the office at 12:00, she’s still late. So, on paper, how could Stacey be surprised that Jennifer would be late for their flight, and late for the two dinner reservations at a couple very posh hangouts Stacey reserved four weeks in advance? I mean, sure, Jennifer is rude by always making people wait for her, but Stacey knew this. You can’t pick a vacation partner who works on their own clock. A proper vacation companion has everyone’s feelings in mind. Like I said before, even though vacation is a chance to unwind and let time fly, that doesn’t mean you should tolerate a person who won’t appreciate the effort that goes into making plans or spending time together. If you’re going to take a constantly late person with you, be diligent with your rules about set plans but also compromise where you can. Settle for them meeting you at the pool if they want to sleep in, but don’t let them pull an “hour in the shower routine” if you have to leave in thirty minutes.
Tip #2: The Person Who Has His or Her Own Agenda
Have you ever traveled with someone who can’t quite grasp the concept of what it means to vacation WITH someone? The vacation part they got, but not the “with” part. For example, Maya asked her friend Deb to come with her to spa weekend in upstate New York for some pampering and outdoor activities. Despite knowing each other for several months through work, and socializing outside of the office, they’ve never gone away on a friend trip. Needless to say, traveling together is a huge step up in a relationship. So, when Maya and Deb arrived, Maya was excited to show Deb the resort and review the activities in mind. Deb, however, had otherplans, all of which did not involve Maya. Sure, she liked the pedicure idea but Deb also preferred to go hiking alone, and when Maya asked Deb if she wanted to ride into town for shopping, Deb said she was going to rent a kayak for the day. With this trip being only a weekend away, Deb was already booked up … and Maya was left out.
This is an example of someone who is a lousy travel companion. Should Deb be allowed to do what she likes? Of course! But if Maya wanted some “me-time” to herself, she wouldn’t have invited Deb in the first place. She invited Deb to be a travel companion, not just someone to split the hotel room with. Had Deb been a proper friend, she would have said, “I’d love to go into town today, but can we also have time for kayaking?” Then, even if she didn’t really want to go kayaking, they each could have done something they wanted to do, and most importantly they would be together. But she didn’t. Instead, she shut the door on any time together.
Maya could have also said something like, “You should have mentioned you wanted to go hiking, I would have totally joined you!” Here you aren’t throwing guilt in their face, rather planting a seed of guilt in their mind. Is that rude? No, not at all, because you’re subtly telling them, “It’s rude ditch your friends on a friend vacation,” without having to say it upfront.
Tip #3: The Person Who You Want to Date
Is there nothing is more awkward then inviting someone for a weekend getaway who you’re “into"—particularly if they are not "into" you too. First let me say that a majority of the blame for this romantic conundrum goes squarely on the shoulders of the person who was asked. Let’s be honest: if someone who you have been on a date with already asks you to go away with them, it’s clearly an invitation to turn up the heat in the relationship. You can’t play coy or naïve about it. Man or woman, whoever offers up a weekend away is hoping for romance. As well, if you say yes, they are totally in the right to assume that’s what you’re thinking as well. After all, when the Bachelor or Bachelorette asks one of their lovely companions to the “Fantasy Suite” they’re not looking to play Xbox. They—as was the case with Nate asking Kory to go to his parent’s beach house for the weekend—are expecting there to be fireworks.
Nick and Kory had been friends for some time now. Not buddy-buddy kind of friends, who only see each other at random parties, but special kind of friends, who have been out on actual dates (they were set up by mutual friends). One important note is that they have not hooked up … yet that is. Nick was being a gentleman and wanted to respect her space but figured after four dates— and what he thought was a clear connection between them—that asking her to go away would be an ideal way to kick the relationship up a notch. Turns out, when Nick tried to lean in for a kiss, Kory backed off like he had the plague, and a weekend of awkwardness ensued. For this, even though I say that the askee should be to blame, I think at this level of a relationship it’s clear what the motive is and that should be addressed head on. Don’t just say, “We ARE going to hook up, right?” Instead try, “I’m looking forward to finally spending some alone time with you.” After all “alone time” means, well, alone time. And if you don’t know that, then you’re not ready to date. As well, if someone doesn’t react too well to that statement then I highly recommend not pursuing it. In fact, don’t even test it. Instead, take a friend with you and vent about how miserable your dating life is at the moment. Maybe they can be your weekend Wingman/Wingwoman (yup, I cover that as well!).
As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.com. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.
Do you have any recent graduates in your circle, or perhaps someone who is looking to start a new career, check out my new book, Reply All…And Other Ways to Tank Your Career for great tips and advice on job success. It's available now!